When the little details matter

Happy Hump Day you wonderful humans!

Hi guys!

 

f43f865bb5e670dc016363743dcf36a9

This quote/concept has been on my mind lately. A LOT.

Taking this concept and looking at it broadly, I agree completely. On the level of how one handles themselves with both small and big things. How information gets processed. What the outlook on life looks like as a result of the latter.

I’m naturally an over-stressed, over-thinking, attempt to do-it-all human. Pressing the pause button feels a little weird and uneasy. It makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. THAT, that right there is the key to why I’m over-stressed, over-thinking, trying to take on the whole damn world in ways that simply aren’t meant for me.

8eba7924cade48d2dd223d7ed2848d13

I never fully understood this until very recently. In a sense, I knew that the fear of not doing enough was a key driver in my attempt to do everything, to keep saying “yes”, and as a result of those – a red-handed culprit when examining sources for anxiety and other unwanted mental feels. What I didn’t realize was that the fear of not doing enough directly translated to not being enough.

img_9751

Enjoying a walk & local magical places

Making this connection has allowed me to deeply examine each component of my life, big and small, taking into consideration the following questions: 1. WHY is this in my life, 2. how does it really make me feel (not just how I present to society how it makes me feel… rather in the core of my being), 3. what positive/negative attributes does it provide for my current and future life, and 4. do I want to keep it in my life? Simply put, if my answer is: it creates stress for X, Y, Z reason, I continue to partake in it out of fear that I’ll be thought of differently (from others, not how I think about myself), and it isn’t something that I find beneficial or needed for my future self – well… it needs to get kicked out the door.

I’ve realized that no matter what I do, how much I do, or how well I do something – I still will not be approved from everyone in every area of my life. Doing everything doesn’t equal success or happiness or fulfillment. Doing, creating, partaking in the things which light my soul on fire and feel absolutely stellar AF internally are the things I’m actively seeking to keep part of and add to my life because these are what create a sense of fulfillment and connection both to myself and to the broader world.

img_9884

THIS. This is what fulfilled and happy look like (to me)

What are my two-cents? Be honest with yourself about what makes you feel fulfilled, successful, and connected. Include ALL of that in your life because even if it’s a lot – anything you deeply find purposeful will always find a way to be fit into the puzzle of “but there are only 24 hours in a day”. Ditch as much as possible that doesn’t lead to your feeling good about yourself and your existence. We get a small fraction of time on this planet, actively pursue YOUR life/goals/ambitions/manifestations not your neighbors/friends/sisters/fathers. It’s a process to disentangle the WHY behind your actions, but it’s a process entirely worth undertaking.

Figure out you, work on you, and then take over the part of the world that you want to contribute your time and energy to.

“Don’t worry about other people, wear your happiness on your skin. Be proud of what you have built. It only has to make sense to you.” – R.m Drake

Mt. Cabot – 11/24/18

Hi folks!

I’m super giddy today. You might ask… why? Still on my nature high from mountain frolicking Saturday with Lawn and Hiker Dad. Also, super looking forward to adventuring again this coming week.

img_9804

Outlook along Bunnell Notch Trail, NH

Prior to hiking Mt. Pierce last Sunday, it had been just over three weeks since I visited the mountains. Much, much, too long. That said, it was mostly okay by me as I was enjoying the weather still deciding to be fall here on the Seacoast. But having hiked 1-2 times per week from May-September, the larger than usual gap felt strange. Not bad strange, just off, out of the ordinary. I’m explaining this so that I can tell you guys – it feels really great to go twice within a week – Pierce Sunday and Cabot Saturday.

 

IMG_0472

Narnia

I’ve been a little out of my groove. I think I’ve actually been super in my groove, but not used to this, so it therefore feels out of groove.

My life will be substantially changing within the next year. I’ve gone from feeling absolutely terrified and uncertain, trying to meticulously plan every bit of this out, to just letting go and growing in. By growing in, I mean growing into myself… my being… my aspirations and goals I have for my life and my being. Don’t get me wrong – I’m scared/unsure/uncertain. I mean, my childhood home will be sold in 7-10 months, I will be moving, I finish school in under 3 months, I’m undertaking a journey of starting my own business to wellness/health coach around eating disorder remission/women’s health/misophonia, and I’m trying to navigate all of this while staying on path with my own personal shit sandwich management. But despite all of this, I feel oddly good. It all feels right. I’m terrified but not concerned? I mean I’m slightly concerned I will be living in my Subaru come next Fall but like… things could be worse.

The two hikes in one week helped me feel back in groove. Mountain time is the best use of my time I’ve found for both personal wellbeing and also personal growth in the sense that it allows me a great deal of space and time to just be (well… just walk) with my thoughts. It teaches me what I’m drawn to most, what things catch my attention and draw it in like no other, and to be one with the process. While definitely out of my comfort zone as I ponder the next moves for my life, I’m beginning to realize there is a difference, a big difference, between being out of groove and being out of my comfort zone.

img_9891

It’s snowshoeing season!

SO, of course I must actually tell you about this lovely hike.

Mt. Cabot via Bunnell Notch Trail – 9.4 miles (of snowy bliss)

I hiked Cabot back in late August via the Northern trailhead taking Unknown Pond Trail, and that particular hike was #45 for completing the NH 48 4000 footers. I find this amusing because Carrigain was #44 and I have also since repeated that mountain. It’s almost as if I’m trying to reverse my order for round 2. Not really, but I’m definitely ready for some peaks that it’s been a while since I’ve hiked!

img_9912

Trail junction

This hike, most likely given my feeling out of groove aka out of my comfort zone, felt particularly challenging. Not only from the physical aspect – snowshoeing is HARD work people. My legs were substantially more tired after this hike than after the almost 20 mile Bond hike in early September… yeah. But also mental – between being up early, not loving being in snowshoes for the whole hike, my feet deciding to take close to 2 miles for me to actually feel them, gaiters getting wet through (Lawn has the same ones and hers did too… we need new ones!), being overly in my head about life lately – I found myself just wanting to call it quits and stop and take a nap. That didn’t happen.

I kept going. Walking. Step after step. At one point just before reaching the Cabot Cabin I employed my friend Amy’s tactic of internally counting steps. I literally counted to 200 steps and then took a quick breather and kept going. I didn’t tell Lawn or Hiker Dad what I was doing, but this really helped me to just work with the process. On 99% of hikes I can just go no problem, without question or hesitation or reassessment but this one in particular was different. I definitely attribute this to all of the recent and upcoming changes and an overactive head space.

img_9840

Cabot Cabin

Once we reached the Cabin my brain space and mental clarity underwent a shift for the positive. I felt a lot better for the remainder of the day. First off, I was nice and toasty which is always helpful. But mainly, I had the time to process what I was feeling, to work through it all. Those previous 200 step increments did more than just physically move me up the mountain, they allowed me to focus on ONLY the steps, nothing more, nothing less. I just walked. And counted. I walked and I counted.

There is something truly magical about thinking only about the present moment – nothing in the past, future, or even thoughts per se. Just thinking about what action(s) your currently undertaking. In these moments I was hiking. I knew I had two great hiking pals, that the trail was broken out, that I was safe, that I’m healthy, and that I had the necessary experience for the day – those were my facts. I knew these facts, trusted them, and kept on walking. I kept walking away from fear and doubt and into understanding more about what I was feeling and more importantly why I felt the way I did at the start of the hike.

img_9910

Bunnell Notch Trail, NH

This hike may have been one of the more challenging ones to date. Not out of miles, elevation gain, or weather even – but because it challenged me from many angles I’m not used to experiencing when hiking. For these reasons, it’s now one of my favorites. Don’t get me wrong, I dig hikes that go super well, where I am in a total flow state (and are in the summer)… but the ones that push me past mental and physical comfort zones – those are the best of hikes.

Per usual with recent hikes, I’ve been asking my hiking partners to quickly recap the day – Lawns thoughts of our trek up Mt. Cabot:

“Good call on bringing the snowshoes.

Bad call on wearing gaiters that weren’t waterproofed.

FIRST SUMMIT WITH SARDOGG.”

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.” ― Ziad K. Abdelnou

Mt. Pierce – 11/18/18

Hey folks!

Guess what I did last Sunday? This is a hard one… I know.

I went hiking. I mean, c’mon obviously what else would I do with my free time 😉

img_9707

Crawford Path, NH

The peak of choice was Mt. Pierce, and this hike makes round TEN hiking Pierce for me. That’s nuts. I mean, it’s not that nuts… many others have hiked it 2, 3, even 10 times that. But, it still mildly blows my mind that I have fallen so in love with the mountains that I simply continue to make the drive to hike these beauteous peaks time and time again without question. What started off as a fun hobby has turned into a large part of my being. I feel so fulfilled and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So how was round 10 you wonder?

Glorious and rather snowy.

img_9719

Looking at Eisenhower, Franklin, Monroe, & Northern Presidential Range

You can surely say winter has fully arrived in the White Mountains.

Mt. Pierce holds such a special place in my heart you guys. Casually over here writing a hike recap getting all emotional and such. #typicalSarah. I blame femaleness and hormones. I kid, I kid…. kinda. But, in all seriousness, this mountain in particular has been one that has helped me process a lot of stuff. I find myself hiking it when I need brain space, likely because I know the trail so well, it’s not a technical climb, and (knock on all the possible wood) I’ve never had any negative experiences hiking/summiting it (well, if you don’t count -40F windchill as a negative… which I surely don’t – it was exhilarating (and no, I didn’t get frostbite)!).

What I’m trying to say, is I really dig this hike. Likely my forever favorite.

My friend Shawn and I took Crawford Path up and down totaling 6.2 miles for the hike. It’s a quickie, which is uber useful when mid-winter conditions have arrived in mid-November and accepting this is presenting to be a challenge.

img_9710

DEF winter when your hair freezes during the hike!

I hadn’t hiked in a few weeks prior to this one because it has been winter up in the mountains but still fall here where I live so I was embracing the heck out of crunchy leaves vs. fluffy snow. The recent weather change up and snow last Friday in southern NH left me wanting winter hiking. To top that, another 3-4 inches of snow came yesterday – looks like winter hiking season is heading into full swing folks.

In the grand scheme of things, this hike was a goodie. Rather uneventful aka nothing out of the ordinary happened, not too chilly – about 19F at the car and 5F at summit, allowed me to get my mind back to winter hiking conditions, and provided me with mountain time. I have a love/hate relationship with winter and winter hiking. On one side of the spectrum I think it’s beautiful and fun, while on the other side I’m more stimulated from a sensory perspective and my body tolerates cold terribly.

But the beauty and pure simplicity of winter:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

For me, hiking is part of who I am and who I intend to continue being. Winter hiking allows me to further challenge myself, my comfort zones, my tolerance, my understanding of my needs, and my relationship with both myself and the mountains. It’s honestly rather neat and extremely satisfying.

To leave this post I want to wish all of you stellar humans a happy Thanksgiving. And, for those of you who read my blog and also struggle actively with or are in remission from an eating disorder/disordered eating or misophonia – just go have a day tomorrow. It doesn’t NEED to be good or bad. Just a day. Continue forward. Continue on your path. Continue trying to respect your needs and yourself as a person. Step by step go through the day. It’s that simple. It’s honestly not simple, and likely feels scary/fearful/terrifying – but just move through it and when the day ends leave it there. Whatever happened happened. You had a day. That’s all and that’s it. Leave it or explore it, that’s entirely up to you. But know that whatever you’re feeling is validated and that you’re well-being is oh so worth it. Acknowledge where you are at in your journey, what your human experience feels like, and make note of it – it’s where you are at right now not who you are. It’s a portion of the sum of all of your parts.

Scenes from the week

Hey friendsies!

Today I thought I would keep things simple and share some pictures from this past week with you! It’s been an overall good week here. Seacoast New Hampshire has officially received its first snowfall of the season and the mountains are becoming more and more narnia-esque. I enjoyed some saddle time today, riding through leftover slush and snowmelt from yesterday’s storm! With the thermometer reading 44 degrees this afternoon, this is the highest the temperature will likely hit for a while now with looking at the extended forecast. Bye bye warmth! I’ll be frolicking in the mountains tomorrow and am looking forward to lots of snow, but for now I leave you with local adventures:

img_9648

Running in shorts last Sunday

img_9680-1

Running in vest + hat + pants Thursday

img_9629

Alongside my road on a walk

img_9617

Local trail system

img_9655

To make you feel like you’re biking…

img_9688

Snowy pumpkin

IMG_9695 (1)

It’s becoming Winter

IMG_9699

Zee badass whip

“Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Be open to your feelings and experience them while they are here. Then be open to the feelings that will come next. Your feelings are a part of your experience. Yet no mere feeling, however intense it may seem, is your permanent reality.” ― Ralph Marston