It’s been a hot minute. I’ve been in hibernation mode, but really. A mega hermit phase if you will. In reality the past month and a half has been all about deeply connecting to my being as I move forward into the next chapter of life.
What’s going on?
That’s a loaded question… the quick life update includes: I’m done school as of mid-February (yippee) and will receive my diploma in May as universities don’t like to hand them out early, I’ve been selling lots of my belongings and will be moving this summer (I don’t know where… childhood home where I’m living currently is selling!), I have a few projects up my sleeve, I’m navigating some women’s health medical stuff, and my work situation is babysitting two awesome kiddos (or as I call them nuggets, goobers, rugrats) and personal training/instructing group fitness at a local studio.
It’s a giant shift, finishing school. A shift that for a period of time felt like it would never come. Another big shift is going from almost checking working as a personal trainer off my “potential job list”, but real talk I’m all about it. And moving/selling childhood home… well I’m sure I’ll be a hot mess when it actually sells but for now all is good.
Honestly, since wrapping up classes in February I just haven’t felt that compelled to write. Insert hermit phase. I found myself wanting to write but that feeling ended up leaving as quickly as it came. My brain has needed solid space to process the numerous changes and I’m happy to report my internal base feels ready to take on whatever the world decides to hand over.
With the calling to write on the blog again, a thought popped into my noggin the other day: why do I write? I figured this would be as good of a time as any to delve this topic.
I could give a handful of answers such as it helps me to process, I love writing, creating posts is an enjoyable pastime, I dig the blog community. These are all true, but they totally aren’t the core. Rather they are like the outer layers of an onion. They totally make writing even better, but they aren’t the magic.
Writing, for me, is a calling like no other. It’s creating. It’s expressing. It’s raw, vulnerable, transparent.
I CANNOT not write. Attempting to stop the internal pull I feel to write would be like trying to stop a freight train. It’s not happening.
Sometimes the need to write comes out of nowhere. I find myself out on a walk or a bike and I have to stop and send myself a text or note because whatever is on my mind NEEDS to make it onto the blog. Sometimes I choose to write instead of sleep because I’m so deeply compelled to get this stuff into the world. Sometimes when writing I find myself smiling or laughing because it’s such an integral part of my life, other-times I’m crying because the release is so intense – physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
The realer the content, the faster it flows out of me. The deep posts, I usually find my fingers can type fast enough. It’s like an explosion of thoughts and I have no option other than to talk about it. Like the world is literally yelling at me to get it out because if I feel so strongly then sure as heck someone needs to hear it.
I’ve found that my darkest, most vulnerable posts not only leave me feeling like I am being my truest self and honoring where I’m at but also the feedback I get (even if it’s one person) just shows me time and time again that this calling has such an important purpose outside of myself.
In reality I’m sharing my experience. I’m telling my story via the online writing platform.
It’s that simple.
But it’s so much more than that. It always has been, and it always will be ♥
“If you are working on self love without healing the unconscious (shadow, inner child) you aren’t working on self love. You’re working on spiritually bypassing. Self love is about integration, embodiment, wholeness, and authenticity.” – Maryam Hasnaa