Officially a college grad 🎓
While I didn’t go to graduation today, and am therefore using this picture from my 48th 4000 footer (which seems appropriate)...
Today I graduated Summa Cum Laude from the University of New Hampshire - pinch me but I’m so not dreaming.
It’s taken six years but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
It’s been a rollercoaster and a half.
Ups, downs, sideways.
This all feels really weird and yet equally so very right.
Everyone says that college is a journey and boy are they right.
This journey, or as I’d like to call it an adventure has taught me more life lessons than imagined and more about myself than expected.
My college adventure has included the following (and more):
-Attending community college
-Being a spring semester transfer
-Living on campus once and hating it because I’m a grandma and go to sleep before 9
-A relapse with anorexia and being in treatment
-Deciding to not pursue medical school
-Working throughout all six years
-Researching and being the primary author on a published paper on the psychoneuroendocrine factors of PERIODS in athletes
-Hiking all NH 48 4000 footers
-And, well, you know... completing my degree and minor
I don’t ever say this, but today I’m going to:
I’m really fucking incredibly proud of myself.
Not even for the degree, I mean yes, I am...
But, for keeping on keeping on.
For not stopping.
For forging through the darkness.
For trusting myself and my intuition as scary as this is.
Another adventure 💃🏼
#adventureawaits #forceofnature #timetoplay #stayrad #findyourhappy #wanderess #staystoked #wanderwoman #wildchild #badass
#mentalhealth #staywild #womensupportingwomen #progressisaprocess #beauthentic #recovery #optoutside #sweatydirtyhappy #eatingdisorderrecovery #idhikethat #rockyourbliss #trustyourself #followyourpath #andshedopetoo #outdoorwomen #wonderfulwildwoman #hikenh #shehikesthewhites #rad #graduation
Trigger warning: ED chit chat below 👇🏼
6 years ago I finished treatment for anorexia and trusted myself to keep the journey moving forward (real talk: it’s been a cha cha).
I thought about telling you guys how great recovery is but I’m going to talk about some of the darkness.
There were days I weighed every single morsel of food.
Yep, spinach. That too.
Days I knew I needed to eat to fuel myself to get better but still felt guilt and shame and the urge to “go back” to my eating disorder because I was better at that.
Days I questioned if I could even get better because statistically the odds weren’t in my favor.
You do you.
I weighed myself 3, 4, 5 times a day.
Logged it. Calculated water weight.
Determined food allowance based off those 3-5 weigh ins.
I was reactive.
Something bad happened? It could be such a small thing -
I would starve myself.
Throw up less than what is considered a snack by society but a meal in my mind.
It was ups and downs. A cycle.
The cycle is so real.
It’s so hard to break.
But that’s recovery - breaking the cycle.
My ED began at 11 and rather quickly I needed more and more to get the same release.
This shit gets real, really fast.
Eating disorders serve a purpose.
The purpose is different for each person living with one.
Throughout mine I experienced bone loss and have osteopenia, I lost my period for 3 years, I cut myself, threw up, drank too much, had suicidal ideations
I thought that I was the problem for every resistance I ever felt.
I’m here - living, breathing, doing.
I have bad days and lapses.
I’m doing my best to fight the fight for Sarah and not the voice inside of Sarah’s head.
But that neurocircuitry will always be there inside my brain.
The most important job is to keep strengthening the brain pathways that support me and fighting the one’s that try to tell me the grass is greener in wonderland... because it’s not.
#recovery #edrecovery #mentalhealth #womenwhoexplore #adventuress #hikemoreworryless #optoutside #sweatydirtyhappy #staywild